I miss my boys..
It’s Monday morning and the only sounds in the house are a ticking clock, the steady breaths of the dog curled up on the living room floor, and the occasional car passing by. A year ago, I dreamt of a morning such as this, though that dream was far off into the future and just a passing wish for solitude. Today there is just melancholy thoughts of the sounds that used to occupy this space.
I became an “empty nester”, unexpectedly, in May 2011 a few days before my 44th birthday. The oldest boy moved out for good in January. The youngest, in May, not yet graduated from high school. I suppose I should have seen it coming, but as a mom who had spent the last 20 years raising the two most important beings of her life, I was blindsided.
A heated argument between a 17 year old “desperately trying to find a way in the world” son and his tired “holding on for dear life ” mom and just like that…I was hurled into this place I had only briefly imagined. On the morning of my birthday, a few days later, I woke up to this note:
“Happy Birthday Mom. I still love you, I just don’t think I can live with you for a while. I need a break as do you. Hope you have a great birthday.” Love, Your Son.
In June, the oldest came home to retrieve the last of his personal belongings from the basement “apartment” that he and his brother had occupied for 8 years. I couldn’t bring myself to go down there until October. Today, it is there, an empty hole with echos of voices and noises of 2 teens and their multitude of “loud” friends. (My other boys). This morning I would give anything to hear those voices and noises again.
Lisa's Blog 
Just as I was finishing this post, the youngest walks through the door…”I’m not feeling so hot today, Mom. Can I come in and lay on the couch?” Are you kidding me?…Of course! The ways that God hears our silent pleas and responds never ceases to amaze me. “Come in, Son…take your shoes off, lie down….stay awhile.”
Oh, my dear!
I am just now (after more than a year) coming to terms with the “I need to be totally independent” and “Mom! Help!” parts of my life. One of the best and most poignant lessons for me has been the realization that although the kids are not my babies any more, and don’t need my hugs every day, they still use my husband and I as the touchstones of their lives.
You caught me on a sad day, too. Usually I am off at work (school) but I had to take the day off for a vet visit for an ailing older dog. I am so sad for my dog, and so sad to come home to my dark and empty house. I can hear my kids and my “other kids” echoing throughout this empty space.
Sending you a big Mamma Bear hug!
Karen
Momshieb
Thanks so much Karen! I hope the Vet visit went well. My dog is a 1 1/2 year old Husky. I got him for my husband for father’s day last year. I don’t know what I would do if he weren’t here. He has an uncanny sense of when I need hugs and kisses 🙂
Hello Lisa!
After more than five years of an empty nest, I can tell you that I still miss my kids, my daughter and son. Although there’s rarely a day that I don’t talk to them, we live at a distance in miles, my husband and I in Alaska, our son in Georgia (just out of the army), our daughter and her husband and little one in Arizona. The house is too quiet when my husband is out of town too. However, I’ve come to see missing them as a good thing. What would it say about our relationship if I didn’t miss them? And, it is satisfying to watch them move through their young adult decisions and enjoy this stage of the relationship.
I hope you will find peace with your empty nest and enjoy the next stage!
~ Sheila
Love your theme so much I use it also. It’s amazing the emotional roller coaster ride our children provide. Moments of joy keep us riding.